Shell games or deep transformation?
I am often reminded of shell games when I see people trying to make changes in their lives.
Let me explain from the beginning…
In every populated marketplace in the world you will find a tourist attraction called “Hütchenspieler” (shell games).
Imagine a small crowd gathered around a table in a Lugano, Barcelona or New York City marketplace. The people in the crowd surround a man standing behind a table that holds three small shells. In his hand he clasps a small object, like a ball.
You know this game, right?
From time to time a few brave people step out of the crowd to approach the table. Some of them feel intrigued, while others feel confident.
One steps forward, takes out his wallet and places a bet that he can win.
The crowd watches as the shell-artist places the ball beneath one of the shells.
The one who has placed the bet is focused, intent on winning the game. The man shuffles the shells around and around, this way and that way, shifting their places. The crowd is tense with excitement.
The man is moving the shells quickly. It is hard to tell where the ball is. The better leans in, trying to stay focused. His eyes follow the movement of the shell under which the ball has been placed. Perhaps he is already losing a little confidence, focus or maybe hope.
When the man stops shuffling, the better points to the shell that he thinks covers the ball. The shell-artist lifts the shell – no ball!
The better has lost his money. Then the man lifts the shell beside the chosen one to reveal the ball. The crowd laughs and applauds in delight.
One more better steps forward to try their luck.
History repeats itself.
What is so stunning to me about this game is how many people are still convinced they can win.
But the shell-artist behind the table is skilled in sleight of hand; he knows very well how to slip the ball out from one shell so that it winds up under another.
Distracted by all the shuffling, the people in the crowd miss what is right in front of their eyes.
From my perspective we don’t need to feel pity for the “loser” of the game.
He or she steps out voluntarily and makes the choice to play.
Perhaps they make this choice even after seeing so many other people lose the game. Watching the players may have given them even more confidence that they could win.
Or maybe they just stay strongly naïve and playful…
… which is a wonderful attitude.
Let’s be super clear in this aspect:
There is no chance of winning this shell game.
(You may also check yourself whether at the beginning of this story a part of you was still curious about the end of my story and was maybe hoping for a different ending – the player winning… sorry my dear… this is not possible! I won’t fool you!)
It is a mutual agreement from the start.
It’s a business for the man behind the table, who makes his living from it.
You also would never blame a cook for making you order some food in his restaurant because of your hunger. But people feel betrayed if someone satisfies their hunger for entertainment.
The only way to “win” this game is to choose not to play it at all.
However, some people need more evidence to understand such an obvious fact, and gaining this evidence costs them financially and may also cause them to lose self-respect.
If you are not blinded by your ego and strong will to win, open enough to see the real purpose here, it’s an OBVIOUSLY fair game.
Only those who want to be right – or even righter than the rest – to prove something that isn’t real, are the ones who will be stubborn and arrogant enough to play again and again, lose again and again and feel bad about this. They poorly miss the chance to enjoy and play.
In life, I think we all succumb from time to time.
For an education in truth, it’s the price for learning.
Shellgames are a show for the crowd.
It’s an entertainment business.
It’s never designed to be a game to win for the brave player.
He is part of the show and if he chooses to – he can also have a lot of fun.
I am reminded of these shell games when I see people trying to make changes in their lives.
Depending on the urgent or necessary the changes they want to make are, the cost of fooling themselves (in terms of money, energy or time) in the process can be high, much higher than the cost of losing some pennies to a shell-artist moving shells.
Instead of moving around shells people try to make changes in life by moving a lot of things around and then feel betrayed when they do not get the results they wanted.
People can become convinced that to accomplish their goal, doing something will help them or that some other thing will bring about the change they want.
They miss the fact that the change they want might not come about when they are distracted and fooled into thinking they are on the right track.
While being overactive, busy, doing a thousand things at once without focusing on the “real” goal, people focus on other things besides the things they need to do to transform.
They are stuck to their own conviction that they can win this kind of game.
Sometimes people also overestimate their skills and abilities. As a result, they set goals to make changes that are simply not within their grasp, or they are using the wrong methods.
They become distracted by shifting shells, or have not noticed the sleight of hand; in short, they are fooling themselves.
At this point, some people will double down and try even harder, convinced that they can make changes happen through their own conviction. This may cause a lot of pain and suffering because of impatience, doubts, losses, and criticism…
They are forced to repeat their useless effort in a way that may become addictive, unless they can solve the trauma.
But the truth is that the game they created is not made for winning.
It’s a cycle they created .
Real effective transformation doesn’t mean being busy or trying harder.
These people cannot see that they must change the rules or maybe leave the table.
And it may feel very good to be in a game like “moving shells”. Because of the movement, the action, it already feels like life is changing. You are busy. Concentrated.
For some people being in a change process already feels like a change… but this is not true or helpful for a longer period of time.
Only the end-result determines and marks the transformation.
The process of change has no meaning by itself.
It’s just a tool for a higher goal and vision.
But for so many the tools themselves become the journey!
So don’t get stuck in the process.
Don’t take this opium for the mind…
Don’t be tricked – by yourself, by your own mind, by the illusion…
It may feel like you are getting somewhere, and there is movement, but the movement is just like the shells being moved around and around with no option for winning the game.
You are getting nowhere.
What we want is real transformation – an elevation– and not simply changing the positions of the matter already inside our own game.
We must also be willing to take unexpected course of action to lead to us on an unexpected journey. New paths. New counterplayers.
Different challenges.
But why is the mind tricking us?
I’ve observed mainly two different reasons:
The first reason why people trick themselves:
They do not really want what they claim they want.
I’ve seen too many people who believed they wanted to change but were not ready or willing to make any change.
What they really wanted was entertainment.
Again they wanted some kind of entertainment in their life rather than a real-life change. People get bored by a “normal” life very quickly. So, to move shells, being busy, but getting nowhere is what they really want.
And they get what they want.
So, for people simply wanting more entertainment, it is best to acknowledge this and be satisfied with it. And accept the cost.
And very importantly: Stop complaining.
Start having fun with this game you have chosen and let yourself be entertained.
Pretending you want anything else and then complaining when you don’t get it wastes energy, time and nerves – both for yourself and for all the people around you.
So stop complaining and accept your lot.
Enjoy the game.
The most interesting question here:
How huge is the level of illusion that we already created?
Resolving this illusion might be an intense relief. What if the illusion is so good that we don’t know that this is an illusion?
What if we created a lie, and we’ve forgotten about it, and now we live with amnesia?
In this situation, it is like being addicted to being on the road and forgetting we were meant to arrive someplace.
Unless you don’t have a goal to arrive at…
Such an addiction places our nervous system in alarm all the time. We feel excited and pushed into action. We may therefore feel more vivid.
We may never get what we want, but we are on our way.
So, this might be your alarm wake-up call.
And maybe you already hear a small voice inside of you that knows what you just read is true. Be honest with yourself – even if it might be painful in the beginning.
The joy you can experience afterwards will reward all the pain a torn-down illusion may cause in the long run.
The second reason I observe why people love shell games in their own lives:
We don’t know how to handle getting what we want.
“The scariest thing is a dream come true.”
Sense8
This saying really touched me when I first heard it.
Who are we when we get what we want,
and what are the consequences?
Are we prepared for the way this affects us?
Getting what we want might include some unexpected aspects we then need to handle.
We might miss our “entertainment” while chasing our dreams (see above).
Are there parts of us that must be destroyed?
(e.g. the illusion mentioned before)
Are there parts that must be newly created?
Why might this be so hard?
Are you daring to be this version of yourself who leaves the table?
Are you ready for your unexpected journey?
Meeting what comes next…
You have two choices now:
1. Get playful about the game you created for yourself and start enjoying it, laughing more…
Don’t take it that seriously; take it for what it is: entertainment.
2. Destroy the illusion of change
and instead be honest with yourself.
And then step back from this game that is not made for winning and be open for unexpected journeys to arise; and get your skin in the game…